Wednesday, November 18, 2015

#8 How am I going to Become Hannah?

"STOP! Try it again!" This had been going on for hours, Mr. Randall looked at me as if I had destroyed his most prized possession a thousand times. "People. We open in two weeks, I can't let this cast perform if Ms. Hess cannot portray this correctly Megan will have to perform in both casts.

No! This was my role, I thought as the blaring lights highlighted my blush more than I was comfortable with I can do this, I just need more time... ha more time, I've got two weeks. 

"Mr. Randall, I can do this! Just tell me what more you want, I don't know what you want!" My pleading voice struck something in him, and I wasn't sure if I liked it.

"I need you to be 72 not 16. We've talked about Hannah, you know her. Now, be her. When you walk on that stage do you know what I see? I see Savannah Hess, not Hannah Ferguson, and if I see Savannah one more time then Megan will be playing both casts. Do you understand?" With his beady blue eyes piercing into my already weak self-esteem I did understand.

"Yes, I understand." with my voice cracking I knew I was heading into a dangerous road, "You'll never see Savannah again, I promise. May I excuse myself for a moment?" With his approval I ran off the newly painted scene and to the only place I knew Mr. Randall wouldn't find me: the seminary building across the street.

I had often found refuge in this warm, red brick building, but the real refuge was in the giant arms of my dad. As I entered his office the tears were already past my cheeks and down my neck. My green eyes glistened with sadness as I sat in the best seat in the world, next to my papa.

"Vannah! What's wrong? I thought you were at rehearsal." His voice was knowing as he inquired why I was clearly not where I was meant to be.

"Dad, I can't do this anymore. He wants me to be 72 when I'm only 16! I don't know how to be old!" I often vented to my dad but this was a whole new load I was carrying.

"Oh sweet girl" my dad's soothing tone enveloped me as his arms wrapped around me, "you don't have to know how to be old, you just need to know how to be Hannah. How are you going to be Hannah?"

"I don't know what you mean!" I sniffled as the tears continued to travel down my soaking face, "She's a grouch and I don't know how to be a grouch!"

"You're missing the point!" a new sharpness entered into his voice, "What's her story, why is she a grouch?!"

"... She's hurt." a new realization entered into my heart. The tears stopped and a new warmth filled my heart. I kissed my dad and off I went.

As I entered the stage the once blaring lights took a new tone as I walked into the world of Hannah; they weren't lights anymore- they were the sun.

"Oh there she is! Welcome back Savannah" Mr. Randall seemed surprised that I had returned.

"You're wrong Mr. Randall. I'm Hannah, Hannah Ferguson." and rehearsal continued.

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